OMG! The funniest thing just happened at work. I was just coming back from lunch and I had eaten some spaghetti with very hot crushed red-peppers and spicy italian sauce.
So when I came back to the office I was trying to quench my thirst with Dr. Pepper at the same time that I was taking a payment from one of our customers.
(I am laughing out loud as I'm typing this)
She has been our customer for 2 years and we have a good relationship. We joke about work and all kinds of stuff.
Anyway, as soon as she handed me the money to make her payment I started coughing from the hot peppers I'd eaten earlier.
But I just took the money and put it down. Then I took a drink of soda and looked her dead in the eye and said, "Excuse me, I have the SWINE FLU." The whole time I kept a serious but sad look on my face.
OMG! Her face froze in total shock.
She looked like she wanted to punch me but didn't want to get more contact with me.
Then My Boss started laughing and I started laughing and I told her I was just kidding.
She was so obviously relieved that I started laughing again. Then she finally started laughing.
There is nothing like the roller-coaster lurch to the stomach that someone gets from an unexpected scare. It dumps a gallon of adrenaline into your system that has to be relieved somehow. Laughing in this case.
Daaaaammm. My stomach hurts!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The County Line
So, last night my Friends and I decided to hit up the County Line, get some drinks and listen to music.
It was nice and cool outside so we grabbed a table out there. But you had to order at the bar.
Well, when I went inside to grab a menu I noticed a woman at the bar sitting by herself. She looked so tiny, but when she turned around, her eyes just trapped me. They were so big and a deep blue color that looked like an ocean or a clear sky. She was very light-skinned and had beautiful dark hair.
I grabbed a menu from the door and immediately joined my 2 friends outside. She had been telling him about the cajun shrimp and how delicious they were.
Too hell with all that, I thought to myself. I need to get back in there and place our food order before she leaves and the opportunity is blown.
After a quick debate, rushed by me getting up and saying I'll just get whatever, I went inside to place the order. V of course wanted R to go with me, but that would just look freakin weird, 2 guys going to place one order. Jeeeez!
Anyway, I get back in there and things are going well. The stool next to her is open and she'd made eye contact with me as soon as I walked in.
I walk up and pretend to stare straight ahead, while my peripheral vision is straining to catch every move she made.
I was feeling pretty brave, or reckless, depending on your point of view and decided to just start talking.
"So, what's good here?" I asked.
We both looked at each other and I just laughed. It was so obvious I'd been standing there silently for 30 seconds trying to work up the nerve to say something. And as my friends will tell you, FOOD is on my mind alot, so I thought it was a perfectly good opening line.
Turns out she did too and we started talking.
Now, I have developed a new rule recently, and that is; if I say anything humorous, slick, cool, confident or interesting I shut the hell up and walk away, so as to prevent my foot from inserting itself into my mouth.
But the problem here was I'd already thought up the OPENER, asked about work, made a joke about mine and gotten her name. NOW, I should walk away, but I hadn't placed the damm order yet.
So I literally turn my back for a second and pretend I'm looking at the drink specials just to try and come up with more interesting stuff to talk about.
Finally I decide to bring up my time living in Guadalajara, since she had family from Mexico. I mentioned how I noticed every local business there seemed to have my last name as the title. For example: "Gruas D****as" and "Taller de D****as" and "Tacos D****as" and so on and so forth.
Then I thought up the coolest move in my mind. (Now remember, I haven't dated in 4 years, so my moves are a bit outdated) I pulled out my business card to show her my last name.
Now she has my phone#, I thought to myself. I'm feeling pretty self-satisfied with myself, but also feeling like this is TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
I thought I'd wake up from the daydream any second now. So when I hear her mumble something to me all I hear is the last part as "....soy Hota!"
And I said, "WHAT?!"
and once again all I'm able to catch is "...soy Hota?"
By this time I'm thinking, damm, of course, she is a lesbian. (not that there's anything wrong with that! LOL!)
But I'm also wondering why she would refer to herself so Vulgar! Why not just say I have a girlfriend or I'm a lesbian. Why call yourself Hota?
Then she grabs my business card, holds it in front of my face and points to my Initial (J.), which in spanish is called a jota!
I start laughing out of nervousness again but cover it up by saying my name is J****. She never even knew what I was thinking, but I was laughing at myself on the inside.
So, long story short, she has my card. Hopefully I'll hear from her. But if not, those were the best 15 minutes I've had on a date this year. Next time she'll have to be in on it. LOL!
It was nice and cool outside so we grabbed a table out there. But you had to order at the bar.
Well, when I went inside to grab a menu I noticed a woman at the bar sitting by herself. She looked so tiny, but when she turned around, her eyes just trapped me. They were so big and a deep blue color that looked like an ocean or a clear sky. She was very light-skinned and had beautiful dark hair.
I grabbed a menu from the door and immediately joined my 2 friends outside. She had been telling him about the cajun shrimp and how delicious they were.
Too hell with all that, I thought to myself. I need to get back in there and place our food order before she leaves and the opportunity is blown.
After a quick debate, rushed by me getting up and saying I'll just get whatever, I went inside to place the order. V of course wanted R to go with me, but that would just look freakin weird, 2 guys going to place one order. Jeeeez!
Anyway, I get back in there and things are going well. The stool next to her is open and she'd made eye contact with me as soon as I walked in.
I walk up and pretend to stare straight ahead, while my peripheral vision is straining to catch every move she made.
I was feeling pretty brave, or reckless, depending on your point of view and decided to just start talking.
"So, what's good here?" I asked.
We both looked at each other and I just laughed. It was so obvious I'd been standing there silently for 30 seconds trying to work up the nerve to say something. And as my friends will tell you, FOOD is on my mind alot, so I thought it was a perfectly good opening line.
Turns out she did too and we started talking.
Now, I have developed a new rule recently, and that is; if I say anything humorous, slick, cool, confident or interesting I shut the hell up and walk away, so as to prevent my foot from inserting itself into my mouth.
But the problem here was I'd already thought up the OPENER, asked about work, made a joke about mine and gotten her name. NOW, I should walk away, but I hadn't placed the damm order yet.
So I literally turn my back for a second and pretend I'm looking at the drink specials just to try and come up with more interesting stuff to talk about.
Finally I decide to bring up my time living in Guadalajara, since she had family from Mexico. I mentioned how I noticed every local business there seemed to have my last name as the title. For example: "Gruas D****as" and "Taller de D****as" and "Tacos D****as" and so on and so forth.
Then I thought up the coolest move in my mind. (Now remember, I haven't dated in 4 years, so my moves are a bit outdated) I pulled out my business card to show her my last name.
Now she has my phone#, I thought to myself. I'm feeling pretty self-satisfied with myself, but also feeling like this is TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
I thought I'd wake up from the daydream any second now. So when I hear her mumble something to me all I hear is the last part as "....soy Hota!"
And I said, "WHAT?!"
and once again all I'm able to catch is "...soy Hota?"
By this time I'm thinking, damm, of course, she is a lesbian. (not that there's anything wrong with that! LOL!)
But I'm also wondering why she would refer to herself so Vulgar! Why not just say I have a girlfriend or I'm a lesbian. Why call yourself Hota?
Then she grabs my business card, holds it in front of my face and points to my Initial (J.), which in spanish is called a jota!
I start laughing out of nervousness again but cover it up by saying my name is J****. She never even knew what I was thinking, but I was laughing at myself on the inside.
So, long story short, she has my card. Hopefully I'll hear from her. But if not, those were the best 15 minutes I've had on a date this year. Next time she'll have to be in on it. LOL!
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